How to Write a Letter to Your Grief (and Why It Might Help You Heal)

Writing a letter to grief might not sound like fun, but neither is grieving.

It’s true the only reason we grieve a loss is because we loved that person, but the love still carries on. There wasn’t a break up in the relationship, their absence wasn’t because of irreconcilable differences.

They died and, in that moment, I expect a part of you died too.

On days when I can cope with grief I feel lucky to have experienced that kind of love. I know not everyone will feel as loved as I was, or to love as much as I did, but that doesn’t diminish your loss or even your love.

We are all unique and so too is our grief.

Grief is grief.

But on those dark days it all seems so unfair. There’s a lot of questions that I have that I’ll never get the answers for. There is also an apology from grief that I’ll never get to hear.

I can’t think too far ahead in the future otherwise my fear and anxiety wobblemeter will go out of control. When this happens it means that far too much anxiety will take over my already exhausted body.

That’s when life stops, it looks bleak and there is no joy to be seen in the future.

I don’t like those days.

Instead I chose to write. I choose to focus on hope rather than anxiety.

I’ve written postcards and letters to heaven, I’ve written his memoirs, and I’ve also written a letter to my grief.

We’re not friends by any stretch of the imagination, but I have to view grief as my mentor.

I don’t trust grief, I certainly don’t want it as my bestie but I do need to acknowledge it for what it offers me.

There are lessons that I need to learn, a new way of life that I somehow need to work out.

Sadly, grief is my guide into this unknown.

I have come to accept it and hope that it has a bigger plan for me, because right now there seems no logical reason for it. Life right now is quite simply unfair.

But here’s the thing whilst we don’t have to like living with grief we do have to find a way to live with it by our side and in our hearts. You can try and run or hide from it, but that won’t change anything. It will still be there when you’re ready to face it.

Grief will never get a thank you or receive any prizes, it certainly doesn’t deserve any of those. But you are allowed to tell grief exactly what you think of it. It won’t change anything, but the process of writing will allow those thoughts and emotions to come through, some of which may surprise you when they suddenly appear on the page.

Writing to your grief is about opening yourself up and sharing with it exactly how you’re feeling. The idea of writing to it may feel daunting, you may be worried that it will cause another onset of uncontrollable tears, and you may even panic that your wobblemeter will go out of control.

Let me break it down into more manageable steps so the magnitude of writing a letter to grief doesn’t feel so huge.

This is what I call the G.R.I.E.F method to writing your letter to grief.

The GRIEF Method is a simple, compassionate framework designed to help you write a letter to your grief.

It isn’t about closure or healing on a timeline. It’s about honesty, presence, and allowing grief to be acknowledged rather than pushed aside.

Each step will guide you through your letter, from acknowledgement of grief to coexisting with it.

Before you begin to write your letter, please be gentle with yourself. If you need to take a break then take it. If you need to walk away entirely then that is ok.

Take your time, there is no rush. If you only feel you can do one part per day then that is exactly what you need to do.

Greet

You don’t need to be friends with grief but you can acknowledge it. Start your letter with Dear Grief.

Journal prompt: Write about when grief first entered your life

Reality

Share with grief what your world looks like now that grief has entered it uninvited. What does your day to day life look like?

Journal prompt: Living with you has been…

Impact

What did life look like before versus now? This can be both positive and negative. What things have you been able to do that you never thought were possible? What things can you no longer do? What things do you now choose not to do?

Journal prompt: Before grief, I was… Now, I am…

Expression

It’s now time to tell grief everything that you want to say. Don’t hold back. Tell it about your emotions, your anger, your guilt, your pain, your hurt. Tell it how it makes you feel – numb, dissociated. If you need permission to be honest, then you have it.

Journal prompt: There are things I don’t say out loud because of you.

Forward

This is your time to reflect and explain to grief how you are going to coexist with each other. What boundaries you want to put in place. How you will be kind to yourself and live life alongside grief.

Journal prompt: This is how I hope we can exist together from here…

When you sit down and write your letter to grief remember that it doesn’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to do it all at once, and you don’t have to share it with anyone. There is no right or wrong with this as it is deeply personal to you and to your grief.

We can’t fix grief, nor can we solve it, but we aren’t alone as we walk with it.

If writing gave you a gentle place to pause, reflect, or simply breathe, you might like to continue in your own time.

I’ve created a free 7 Days of Gentle Grief Writing series. One small writing prompt per day, delivered straight to your inbox.

Each day includes a short workbook, a daily check in sheet to help you notice how you’re feeling, and a few words of encouragement so you don’t feel so alone as you write.

There’s no pressure to keep up, no expectation to share, and no right or wrong way to take part.

You can download the free writing series here >>> FREE WRITING CHALLENGE